“Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”
I first ran into those words of wisdom in Rob Lowe’s book, “Love Life”, in the chapter where he describes leaving his son at college.
The next morning, after all of the freshmen file out of the massive and imposing chapel after convocation, Matthew shows his first signs of uncertainty. The president’s speech was an ode to the incoming achievers, “the most highly accomplished” class ever accepted in “the most competitive year” in the school’s history. It took this elegant ceremony, in a setting both beautiful and intimidating, among a sea of strangers, some of the best kids our country has to offer, for Matthew to realize the stakes. He did it. This is real. He is here. This is happening.
“Dad, what if it’s too hard for me here?” he asks me later, sitting on his fold-out bed back at the hotel, looking more “fresh” than “man.”
“You came from a very tough academic school with great grades. You took the tests, you got the scores, you did the hours and you did the travel and extracurriculars. You made it happen. No one else. This won’t be any different. This school chose you because they know you can succeed here.”
“None of the other kids look scared at all,” he says, and for the first time I can remember since he was a baby, I can see his eyes welling up. I want to reach out and hug him, but I don’t. Instead I look him in the eye.
“Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”
That’s good advice. Part of what makes it useful is that it can be applied in many situations, even financial situations.
I recently saw an ad on television. A man is looking at a screen, taking in some social media. He sees his friend’s awesome Hawaiian-vacation selfies. Question: What should he do? Answer: Get online, book an even awesomer vacation and post his own awesomer selfies.
That made me think of something that happens to me from time to time (okay, practically every day). I see or hear of someone enjoying something I’d like to have. An awesomer meal in a awesomer restaurant. An awesomer vacation. An awesomer car. Whatever. Then I get a little envious. I feel a little uncertain about the choices I’ve made. I’m unsure of myself.
Once I heard, “never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides”, I realized the vacation, the car, the meal or whatever was the other person’s “outsides”, financially speaking. I couldn’t see their “financial insides”. For all I know, the meal and the vacation might be getting charged on high-interest, maxed-out credit cards. The guy could be upside-down on the car, maybe owing $55 thousand on a car that’s worth $47 thousand. He might owe more than he owns. Just having nice things doesn’t mean someone actually has money, that is, a positive net worth.
I’ve chosen to live differently. I could enjoy the restaurant meals, vacations, and cars … if I wanted to spend everything I earn (or even more that I earn). Those are my “financial insides”. Other people can’s see them, but I know what they are. And I know that I shouldn’t compare my financial insides to other people’s outsides.
